Hippodrome

Format: Arcade/MAME
Publisher: Data East ©1989

I remember first playing Hippodrome when I was on a Cub Scout camping trip to a privately owned cave in fourth grade. I specify privately owned, because I sincerely doubt that any government run institution could’ve amassed such an impressive arcade as the one in the lodge at Eagle Cave, near Blue River, Wisconsin in the early 1990s. It was one of those magical times in your formative years when a likely coincidence leads you to believe that true love between yourself and another prepubescent must be written in the stars. A girl in my class whom I fancied miraculously happened to be camping at the cave grounds the same weekend that my Cub Scout troop was. So, naturally, I didn’t try to rendezvous with her in some dimly lit crevasse deep in the underground onyx maze, perhaps hitting a single about six years early. I did what any other socially inept, undeveloped preteen would do. I headed straight to the game room, and plugged a handful of quarters, coaxed from my dad, into Hippodrome.

Hippodrome is one of the first games I can remember that stripped man-to-man combat down to its most primitive essence: the strength, agility and wit of one warrior tested against that of another in single combat. Hippodrome was a fighting game before the world even knew what one was. Let’s face it: the Street Fighter series really began with its second installment. If someone had been wise enough to make a Hippodrome II, perhaps today Sharon the Armor Dragon would’ve achieved semi-recognizable status to the general public as Street Fighter’s Ryu has.

In this game, you play as some blonde haired gladiator named Michael with a rather meager bank account balance (more on that in a minute). Though I didn’t know that I shared a namesake with the Hippodrome hero back in 1991, it made me laugh when I discovered it upon replaying the game recently. It’s clear that In-game Mike means business too; he stands in the wind and takes a lightning blast to the metal sword he wields without flinching before his first bout. His ultimate goal seems to be the best fighter on the planet, and he aims to do so by winning a tournament held yearly in the Hippodrome. What the Hippodrome is though remains a mystery, since the different battles are fought in various arenas with hellish names such as Tarterus [sic] and Acheron. The road to glory won’t be easy, however, and that’s putting it very lightly. You’ll go head-to-head with gargoyles, lizard and scorpion Men, sorcerers, dragons, and other standard fantasy archetypes before your ultimate showdown with a gargantuan mace-wielding giant. The most menacing obstacle in your path could be the rather inconsistent hit detection however. Many times, Michael seems to take damage when he is standing several feet away from the nearest threat.


Left: The “entrance fighter” screen for Michael, of the powerful fighter race.
Right: Cawnus, a Lamia Noble, choking big Mike and drawing the most incredible digitized barf noise since Bayou Billy died.

The play control is abysmal by modern fighter standards, but as far as pre-Street Fighter II one-on-one combat games go it’s not bad. Instead of having various special moves, you’ll be able to earn golds (sic) with which you can purchase medieval weapons such as a hammer and halberd (eventually). The hammer’s strength is worth one damage point, while the halberd’s is worth one strong damage point. No further distinction is given. You can also purchase potions that will extend your life meter, but I would recommend waiting until you have all the weapons you want to buy those. Their affect apparently wears off when you continue. You’ll select your opponents on a screen that resembles the Mega Man games, except only three matches will be available at a time. Once you defeat the first three challengers, three newer and more powerful ones will be opened up. As you beat each opponent, a bluntly satisfying statement that reads “DEAD” covers their pixilated visages. Just so there’s no mistake that Norfolk the lizard man might be hooked up to a feeding tube in intensive care. There is a two player head to head feature, though I’m not really sure what the point is. You don’t get to play as any of the other characters that you’ll fight throughout the tournament. Player two is merely another gladiator named Spike, who looks like he belongs in Rancid.

So, taking that description into consideration, you’re probably wondering why you should’ve played Hippodrome. Well, look no further than Sharon the Dragon, available to be your opponent as early as the fourth round. This dragon can speak, and in its late eighties digitized voice says one thing, “Dragon’s Breath!” as it bellows and a blob of orange goo your way. First of all, how can the dragon speak while it is shooting what the game alleges is fire from out of its mouth? And more importantly, why does it feel the need to announce the name of the maneuver that it is performing? While that practice has become commonplace in fighting games, consider what the dragon is saying from its perspective. Next time I drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and start a brawl down at the saloon, should I shout “Human’s Fist!” before landing a haymaker on a rival patron? It gets even better however when you land your deathblow. Make sure to strike the dragon as low as possible for maximum hilarity to ensue. If tears of both joy and brain matter aren’t pouring down your face as Sharon’s head topples off and floats gently to the ground when your sword strikes its gut then you should seriously reexamine why you play video games.


Poor Sharon loses his head, for some reason.

Hippodrome is the perfect remedy for about half an hour or so or of pure boredom, and presents an ample amount of challenge from both the strangely appealing fantasy clichés who you’ll face in the coliseums and the downright wretched play control. Still, the gameplay isn’t much more shallow than the outrageously popular Mortal Kombat games. With the modern luxury of arcade MAME emulation, it won’t even cost you the $20.00 I probably spent on that camping trip back in fourth grade to finally see the end boss. What is most enjoyable about Hippodrome is just how truly absurd it is; as if someone took the worst parts of DAW paperbacks and Roman mythology, and crafted a fighting game based on the relatively unknown Street Fighter I. God bless Data East, the world truly mourns your passing. Do yourself a favor, and go a few rounds in the Hippodrome. “Haaa!”

All images ©1989, Data East